Go Forward
by yiseunggi
Summary: Four girls. Four stories. Four memories. One life.


**A/N: **I just want to say that Bangtan Boys is awesome. That is all.

* * *

**Girl #1 – SeeU**

_"What is your dream?"_

_I've been asked that question countless times since I was little, and to tell you the truth, I don't know._

_At first I wanted to be a farmer, then I wanted to become a zookeeper. My dreams kept changing every year._

_And now at seventeen years of age, I don't know what my dream is._

_I really don't know._

_I've been a nonentity for as long as I can remember until the day I was discovered by my peers._

"Eew! Gross! There's garbage on the SeeU's desk!"

"I think I saw something move!"

"She's coming. She's coming!"

_Every day when I come to school, the floor is the first to greet me._

"Oops! I didn't _SeeU_ there!"

_No words of apology even though it hurt like hell._

"You can't blame me. I was just stretching my legs."

_I'm literally living in hell._

_After staying up all night until morning, there's no energy to respond; not even a single word._

_Of course, the teachers break the crowd._

"Stop it! Stop it this instant!"

_But that's mostly it. It's okay as long as the teacher doesn't get in trouble._

"SeeU, go get the custodian and pick up a new desk from the basement on your way back."

_Welcome to my life._

"Hey retard! Why are you eating behind the school?"

"What did you bring for lunch? Fried dogs and kimchi?"

"It smells gross!"

_It's best not to say anything—_

"_Shut up!_"

—_but it's the least I can do to protect my pride._

"What did she say?"

"The freak just cussed at us!"

"Why don't you go back to your country you piece of shit!"

_To my classmates: picking on someone lower than you, huh? The title must be a luxury for you. _

"This test counts as 50% of your final grade. It will either bring your grade up or it will go down. You have until the end of class to finish the test."

_Why is doubt increasing more than confidence?_

_Go to school from 7 AM to 2 PM. Attend piano lessons from 3 PM to 5 PM. There's no time for a break! Munch on a little snack on the way to cram school which ends close to midnight. Get home safely and start working on homework and study until around 2 AM in the morning. Greet the sun and start the cycle all over again._

_I feel suffocated._

_What is, I wonder, the purpose of living like this every day?_

"…Mom? I don't feel so good. May I skip cram school today?"

"A little sickness is nothing. You should be grateful you get to go to school."

"But I—"

"If you study well now and become a doctor or a lawyer when you grow up, you'll have a good life. You'll be thanking me for pushing you."

_A good job with lots of money… Will it really bring me happiness?_

"There are kids younger than you living outside without benefits like you do. Do you want to be like those kids and live outside like a bum?"

_But mom… the truth is, I want to become a singer. Singing helped me live on when dad passed away. It helped me go through my (hell-like) life without going crazy. But I couldn't say it because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting rejected._

"Why did you get an 80% on your Japanese final?"

"I'm not that good at Japanese."

"It doesn't matter if you're not good at Japanese! You should've studied harder and gotten a hundred percent! You need to be ranked first in your class. If you keep this up, you won't be able to get into medical school!"

_Now I don't know what to do with myself._

_I personally think school is a warzone. Many parents expect their child to rank first, but how is it possible if only one person can win that title?_

_It's either number one or a failure._

"This isn't good enough. I know you can do better, but why won't you?"

_I don't know. I honestly don't know._

"I got a call from your orchestra teacher. He said you're not trying hard enough and that he's thinking of letting someone else do the solo. Is this your way of rebelling against me?"

"...No."

_What a hellish society we live in. Childhood dreams are forgotten and reality kicks in, wanting attention and reminding you what kind of world we live in._

_Sometime I wonder..._

"What is my dream?"

_I don't even know what my dream is anymore because grownups keep instilling dreams for me._

"If you feel like it's useless to keep living, then die. There's no reason for you to keep living if there's no passionate reason."

_Double standard and opposition is everywhere in this world._

_I don't know what to do anymore._

_I held it in for as long as I could because adults said it's only momentarily, but it's useless now._

_I think this is it._

_Goodbye._

* * *

"Police are investigating the death of a seventeen year-old girl who hanged herself in the bathroom last night. Investigators say the cause of the death is still unknown…"

* * *

**A/N:** This was my attempt at trying to write something serious. How was it? I feel like I need more work.

I was thinking of using Yukari instead of SeeU, but I thought SeeU would fit this story better because of…you know…stupid reasons.

Review! Review this story you wonderful people! Please and thank you. :)


End file.
